The Adult Chair: How to Show Up as Your Healed, Grown Self (Even When You’re Triggered)

Hey Sis 👋🏾💖, have you ever reacted to something and then later thought, ‘Why did I act like that?’ 🤔 Or maybe you go from zero to 100 when you feel disrespected, only to realize you were triggered by something way deeper. That used to be me — until I discovered something called the Adult Chair Model 🪑.

Prior to this, I’ve tried therapy. Journaling. Affirmations. But I still felt stuck… until I found the Adult Chair Model. Nobody talks about it — but it changed my life in ways I can’t keep to myself anymore 🔥💬

Let me paint the scene: I was living in New York, going through it bad. Abusive relationship, depression dragging me down, and anxiety waking me up before my alarm 😩. One day, after a heated argument with my ex that left me feeling like a damn puddle, I stormed into my therapist’s office, flopped on her green couch like I was auditioning for a Lifetime movie, and just ugly cried 😭. That woman looked at me and said,
“You’re not crazy, you’re just not in your Adult Chair.”
I blinked like… Ma’am, my what now? 👀

And boom — that was the moment I got introduced to the Adult Chair Model, originally created by Susan Austin-Crumpton. Baby, when I tell you this model snatched me back together? Whew 😮‍💨💆🏽‍♀️ It gave me language for my pain, helped me see when I was spiraling, taught me how to set boundaries without needing to write a 3-paragraph explanation, and helped me stop acting from old wounds that weren’t even about the present moment.

Since learning the Adult Chair Model, I’ve been able to recognize when little-me or teenage-me is trying to take over — and lovingly tell her,
“Girl, scoot over. Grown me got this.” 💅🏽

By the end of this post, you’ll know exactly what the Adult Chair Model is, how to spot which “chair” you’re in, and how to start showing up from your healed, secure, bossed-up self — especially when life is lifing 🌀✨ Let’s get into it, sis. 🍷💖

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🪑 What is the Adult Chair Model?

Imagine three chairs lined up: one for your inner child, one for your inner teen, and one for your grown, healed self. The gag?
We all move between these chairs every day — but most of us don’t even realize it. 👀🪑

The Adult Chair Model is a self-awareness tool that helps you figure out which version of you is running the show in any moment. It was created by Susan Austin-Crumpton, but popularized by Michelle Chalfant, and breaks your inner world down into three parts:

• 👶🏽 The Child Chair (ages 0–7): emotions, core wounds, fear, dependency
• 😩 The Adolescent Chair (ages 7–18): ego, drama, shame, insecurities, fake confidence
• 💁🏽‍♀️ The Adult Chair (your most authentic, grounded self): truth, boundaries, self-regulation, real love

Real-Life Examples:

• Child Chair: “He didn’t text back — I must not be lovable.” 💔
• Adolescent Chair: “Fck him. I’m ghosting everybody.” ✌🏽
• Adult Chair: “I feel triggered right now, but I know I’m worthy no matter what.” 💗

🧸 The Child Chair (0–7)

When we’re little, we’re all emotion and no filter. This is the part of us that feels deeply — fear, joy, sadness, abandonment, all of it. From birth to about age 7, we’re sitting firmly in this chair. Later, this becomes what we know as our inner child 🧒🏽🧠. During this stage, your brain is in a hypnotic, sponge-like state (aka theta brain waves). You’re downloading beliefs, patterns, and emotional blueprints. You’re not analyzing what’s happening around you — you’re just absorbing everything as truth:
☑️ How people treat you
☑️ What love “looks like”
☑️ Whether you’re safe or not
☑️ What’s expected of you as a child/girl/Black person/etc.
☑️ What you need to do to get love, attention, approval

The Child Chair lives in your subconscious, holding memories and stories that feel true — even if they’re outdated or no longer serve you

😤 The Adolescent Chair (7–18)

This is where it gets messy. Around age 7, we move into what’s called the adolescent self. This chair is all about ego, drama, shame, blame, and that loud inner critic that won’t shut up 🔊. Now your brain shifts from absorbing to defending. The Adolescent Chair (ages 7 through the teen years) is dominated by the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for fight-or-flight responses. During this phase, the brain begins using all the emotional data and beliefs it downloaded in childhood to try and protect you. Instead of responding with wisdom, the adolescent brain reacts from a place of fear — often with avoidance, overthinking, people-pleasing, control, or rebellion. The focus becomes survival, not self-awareness. It’s during this time that internal messages start to form, like: “Don’t trust them,” “You gotta be perfect,” or “Play it safe.”

Sound familiar? That’s because so many of us are stuck in this chair as adults — especially if we didn’t grow up in emotionally safe environments 🧃

💅🏾 The Adult Chair (aka Your Grown, Healed Self)

Now this is the chair we’re trying to claim ✨ The Adult Chair Model teaches that your adult self is the version of you that’s calm, grounded, emotionally aware, and present. She doesn’t make up stories or operate from assumptions — she deals in facts. She lives in truth, not trauma 💁🏽‍♀️. When you’re living from your Adult Chair, your brain activates the prefrontal cortex — the most evolved part of the brain, responsible for:

✔️ Logic
✔️ Emotional regulation
✔️ Self-reflection
✔️ Wise decision-making
✔️ Empathy and compassion
✔️ Clear communication
✔️ Conscious, grounded choices

This is the version of you that:

• Knows how to set boundaries without over-explaining 🛑
• Can sit with uncomfortable feelings without spiraling 😮‍💨
• Responds instead of reacting 🧘🏽‍♀️
• Talks to your inner child with love and care 💕
• Peep game, observe patterns, and make grown woman decisions 👁️✨

She’s not perfect — but she’s aware. And awareness is the start of everything 💡

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💬 Why Most People Never Make It to the Adult Chair

Here’s the real tea 🍵: if your childhood was chaotic or emotionally unavailable, your brain never learned how to shift into the Adult Chair.

So what happens? You physically grow up, but emotionally you’re stuck in that wounded Child or reactive Adolescent Chair. The dysfunction gets passed down. It becomes your default 💔🧠

But the good news? Once you learn to recognize which chair you’re in — and why — you can shift. That’s what the Adult Chair Model gives you. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about having the emotional awareness to say,

“Okay… my inner child is freaking out right now. Let me tap into my Adult self before I text something wild.” 📵😅

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🧠 Why the Adult Chair Model Helps You Actually Heal (Not Just Pretend You’re Okay)

Once you can name which chair you’re in, you can take your power back.
And baby… let me tell you, that’s when the real healing begins 🦋💥

So many of us are out here doing the shadow work, lighting our candles 🕯️, buying journals we don’t finish 😅, and reposting all the “heal your inner child” quotes… but we still don’t fully understand how to actually do that.

That’s where the Adult Chair Model comes in 👏🏽

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Your inner child ain’t just some cute little wounded version of you crying in the corner 😭. She’s the part of you that felt abandoned, neglected, silenced, or unloved — and she’s been trying to get your attention every time you get triggered. That moment when you feel rejected and suddenly wanna cry, snap, or ghost everybody? Yeah… that’s her.

The Adult Chair Model helps you recognize when she’s taking over — and gently say,
“It’s okay, baby girl. I see you. But we’re safe now.” 💞

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Here’s What Else the Adult Chair Model Helps With:

✅ Trauma Recovery
You stop reliving your past in the present. Instead of reacting from pain, you start responding from peace 💆🏽‍♀️

✅ Emotional Regulation
You don’t let your feelings run the show anymore. You feel them, honor them, but stay grounded. Even when your ex pop up talkin’ crazy 😩

✅ Healthier Relationships
You stop putting childhood expectations on grown-ass partners. You stop trying to be your mama to your man. You show up as a whole person — not someone looking to be saved 💯

✅ Stronger Boundaries
You no longer explain yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you. You just… stop. And it feels GOOD 💅🏾

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✍🏽 How to Use the Adult Chair Model in Real Life

Here’s how to bring this model into your everyday life:

💡 Step 1: Notice the Chair

Ask yourself: “Which chair am I in right now?”
✨ Awareness is the first step to emotional power, period.

💗 Step 2: Validate Your Feelings

Example: “My Child feels scared right now. And that’s okay.”
Your younger self just wants to feel safe. Give her love, not judgment 💖

🪄 Step 3: Invite the Adult Chair In

Ask: “What would my Adult self do in this moment?”
Take a breath. Pause. Journal. Sit still. Text your therapist, not your toxic ex 📵😅

🧘🏽‍♀️ Step 4: Respond, Don’t React

From the Adult Chair: “I don’t feel respected right now, so I’m going to take space.”
Speak up without begging to be understood. That’s grown.

💜 Conclusion: Come Back to Your Power

Sis, healing ain’t about being perfect — it’s about learning how to catch yourself in the moment, recognize which chair you’re sitting in, and gently move back into alignment 🌸

The Adult Chair Model teaches us grace over guilt. Awareness over shame. Progress over perfection 💫

You’re not broken. You’re just healing. And yeah, some days your inner child might throw a tantrum. Some days your inner teen might wanna cuss everybody out. But the more you choose to sit in your Adult Chair, the more peace, clarity, and power you’ll start to feel 💪🏽💖

✨ You’re not crazy. You’re just human.
And the more you sit in your Adult Chair, the more you’ll notice your life reflecting your worth — in your relationships, your boundaries, your self-love, and your decisions 🪞💕

You got this. 💞

🌿 Want to go deeper into the roots of the Adult Chair Model and how it helps you embrace every part of who you are — past and present?
Check out this beautiful explanation by Conscious Living Therapy & Coaching → About the Adult Chair®.
It breaks down why no part of you is “bad,” and why this work is so transformational 🪑💫

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💬 Let’s Chat — I Wanna Hear From You!

Okay, now that you know about the Adult Chair Model, let me ask you this below in the COMMENTS…

👉🏽 Which chair do you catch yourself in the most — the child, the adolescent, or your grown, healed self?

Have you ever even heard of the Adult Chair before this? Be honest, sis 😅
Drop a comment and let’s talk about it. I wanna know who’s sitting where — no judgment, just healing and real convo 🪑💕. If you’re on a healing journey and want more girl-chat style blogs on mindset, self-love, boundaries, and becoming that version of you…
👉🏽 Subscribe to my blog to get weekly posts straight to your inbox 💕

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💭 How I Changed My Life With These 5 Simple Mindset Shifts
🧴 The Ultimate Level-Up Starter Pack (If You’re Starting From Scratch)

✨ Both are packed with real talk, healing gems, and glow-up energy — just like this one.